Sunday, February 8, 2009

February 8, 2009 (39/365)

The depression is winning right now. I spent all day yesterday yearning to do something ...anything... but unable to do more than stare at the stupid TV from 9:00am til 2:00am. I hated sitting there. I wanted to do so much yesterday. But I couldn't. It's so frustrating; I just wanted it to end.

Today I've tried to force myself to activity. I've managed to take a couple pictures of sculptures. I suppose that's better, but I can still feel the downward spiral.

I did come to something of an epiphany yesterday. I'm unlikely to commit suicide because of my selfishness. Strange as that sounds, I not only want the depression to end but I want a better life... I long for happiness... and I can't have those things if I'm dead.

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