May 30, 2009 (150/365)

Dinner, shopping, and light putzing around with K. tonight. I like K., but I always feel like we're not quite clicking on a mental level. It's not about intellect, it's about being in synch. I want to be in synch with her. I also bet she was crazy-fun in her youth. Sorry I missed it.

Hmm. this is starting to smell like the documented minutia of my day. I'm going to have to steer this back onto the road.

May 29, 2009 (149/365)

Sometimes I think I go to movies to live vicariously through the characters in the films. The thought makes me sad. I go to a lot of movies.

May 28, 2009 (148/365)

I hate trying to schedule things with other people. 90% of the time they fall through. Seriously...90% Tonight's plans with 2 people crashed, Saturday's plans have already crashed, and I'm sensing a high probability of crashing for Friday night's plans.

May 27, 2009 (147/365)

Disclaimer: This is my uneducated opinion. I encourage those prone to death threaten to just ignore me.

I'm going to be wildly unpopular in this opinion, but I don't believe that gay couples have a "right" to marry. (Lord, I feel dirty just saying it.) I have absolutely nothing against gays or bisexuals, lord knows I have many friends with those leanings. But my take is that "Marriage" is defined by religion not the political state. (I'm going to use Christianity as the basis for my opinion here since it's the only religion I have any real knowledge of at all.) If the Christian Bible, supposedly the "word of God," states that marriage is between a man and a woman only, that's the end of the matter. No city, state, or country has the ability to overrule the word of God, and no amount of community outcry is likely to get the Big Man to appear and concede (though it would be unprecedentedly cool). I wish this weren't the case, because I believe anyone who seriously wants to should have the right to marry. But my ...nor any of your... desires can't change the facts. God makes the rules. I'm also both amused and appalled at the media and anyone else making the suggestion "Isn't it about time that religion changed to suit the times?" Like it's the decor in the family room that can be refreshed when we're tired of it. Sorry kids, it doesn't work that way.

I'd also like to send out a personal aside to the people of California. You had a giant-ass public vote to decide if gay marriage should be banned, and it was. And then the vote was legally upheld. Twice. Like it or not, I think it's safe to believe that the majority of citizens in CA don't think it should be legal. Y'all can stop shaking your tiny fists in righteous indignation in front of every news camera that will take your picture just because you're not happy with the outcome. You want your gays to be able to marry, change the law, and I'll get right behind you.

May 26, 2009 (146/365)

It's amazing and sad how fast something can drop out of the news. Minnesota cancer kid and his mom resurfaced yesterday. They returned home, weren't arrested, and agreed to get the kid the life-saving chemo they'd denied him. Nothing scandalous or "newsworthy" here. Thus, after leading the headlines like a killer on the loose since they left, they're reduced to a barely-mentioned on the 30 minute news cycle. Yeah, nobody cares about that. Media douchebags.

May 25, 2009 (145/365)

I've been directing my writing energy to game preparations tonight. More productive that way. I'll eventually post some of those writings here.

May 24, 2009 (144/365)

I'm a shitheel. I'm also annoyed that I can't expound on that because I never know if people I'd refer to might find this. Yeah, there are a few people I care to spare their feelings.

May 23, 2009 (143/365)

I feel like a cheap streetcorner whore. ...and not in a good way. Apply your own explanation, I'm tired of whining tonight.

May 22, 2009 (142/365)

Huh. Babies are the latest thing in personal defense. Who knew?

Police: Mom used infant son as shield

Shoplifter throws baby at security guard

May 21, 2009 (141/365)

I read some great writing tonight. I know that somewhere out there in eternity, in one of the infinite dimensional me's writes like that. I don't think I'm too many realities away from that one. The desire is often there, the motivation is occasionally there, and I can feel the ability crammed in the back corner of my head somewhere. As with art, I need to pull all the factors together long enough to produce something good.

May 20, 2009 (140/365)

I'm still in Dysfunctional-Land, and unfortunately, I'm tall enough to enjoy all the rides. Having whipped out that clever snark, I've got little more to say. The oldest is frantically talking to himself while working on L's computer. (I can't tell you how thrillingly on edge that makes me.) The middle remains a cute, lazy leech, unobtrusively sucking all the blood she can get. The youngest is out trying to reclaim bits of the pre-graduation night he got screwed out of. The girl is vacillating between passive-aggressive annoyance and hand-wringing fear.

May 19, 2009 (139/365)

And the studio closes for 3 weeks driving another nail in the coffin of my emotional stability. I'm going to end up strung out on the streets begging people for bits of refuse from their pockets for me to trembling-handedly try to make sculpture from only to have it obliterated, as I'm being dragged off by police, while trying to fire it.

May 18, 2009 (138/365)

Such a stressful day. Bickering... arguments as if it's a contest to see who's right. Over things I don't give a shit about in the first place. The tension spring inside me is winding tight again. Life shouldn't be like this.

May 17, 2009 (137/365)

Sayeth the oldest son: "I must be retarded."

...........I have nothing to add.

May 16, 2009 (136/365)

With Chrysler shutting down so many dealerships, expect a huge influx of people going into politics. What other profession is going to allow encourage those kinds of deceptive business practices?

May 15, 2009 (135/365)

I finally tracked down where my secret girlfriend, Diablo Cody, is posting her daily postulations. I'm as giddy as a schoolboy's pants.

May 14, 2009 (134/365)

Nancy Pelosi is a self serving liar, and I'm ashamed that she tacks "Democrat" to the end of her title. I've watched her tapdance like crazy her entire press conference this morning as well as any corrupt politician could. She's frantically trying to cover her ass over whether or not she "knew water boarding was going on at Guantanimo," and she's denying calling anyone a "liar" while in the same breath calling them exactly that. She's an embarrassment and a black eye on the face of the new administration, and she desperately needs to be replaced.

May 13, 2009 (133/365)

The coming week is going to be a trial for me. Deprived of things I want and inundated with things I don't. Be glad I don't own a gun.

May 12, 2009 (132/365)

I'm thinking of mixing friends again. This should end well. ....again.

May 11, 2009 (131/365)

This whole Miss California thing has sure become an unnecessary mess. It's a non-issue really, and I don't understand why everyone's all up in arms and clucking like hens. My two cents (to use the tired cliche):
-She's entitled to her opinion of gay marriage. Just because it's currently unpopular doesn't mean we get to stone her for it. She was asked how she felt about it and she answered honestly. The fact that the question came from a gay gossip columnist was just baiting. It was just bad taste.
-Whether or not she gets to keep her crown should be pretty cut and dried, and I don't know why there's so much hand-wringing going on about it. To participate, she had to have not posed for any nude photos, and she signed a statement declaring as much. The truth, however, is that she did pose for such photos which (now that they've come to light) she claims were shot to try to get a modeling job with Victoria's Secret. There's nothing wrong with that dear, but they exclude you from the pageant. If you had dreams of becoming Miss California and maybe Miss America, you shouldn't have taken them. End of discussion. No crown for you.

May 10, 2009 (130/365)

Me, who has only nightmares when I sleep, would most of the time rather be asleep than awake. That says something.

May 9, 2009 (129/365)

[erases a bunch of "my life" stuff that isn't important to anyone but me.] V. was the only thing that kept me from feeling like the world was having a good ol' time without me tonight. I hate the growing feeling that I'm orbiting everyone else's lives instead of having people orbit mine. May is turning into a fluid, action packed month. Oh, yay.

May 8, 2009 (128/365)

Just pretend I whined about something and go elsewhere. No one reads this anyway.

May 7, 2009 (127/365)

Typical day-after-comedown-day. I hate them. They make me want to... change my life for the worse. In better news, I wasn't left alone holding the bag at work. I still feel like an idiot.

May 6, 2009 (126/365)

5:00am clause.

May 5, 2009 (125/365)

They're probably not going to be too keen on my "I told you so" regarding making me come in and be functional and accurate at ass:o'clock in the morning.

May 4, 2009 (124/365)

It would be so nice to have someone who was into my art. Not just approving of it or enjoying the result but sincerely interested in the process. Someone who'd want to just watch in amazement while I work. N. used to say she felt that way, but she was never anything more than an online phantom in a nonexistent world.

May 3, 2009 (123/365)

It's so weird and unexpected, after having a nice day at the art show, to have one of those "stare at the wall" nights. Feels like I'm crashing.

May 2, 2009 (122/365)

1/3 the way through the year.

May 1, 2009 (121/365)

I know what people with deadlines are like. They put off and procrastinate until it's too late to actually meet the deadline, then it's the panicked scramble and half-assed rush to get done. This leaves those who count on them meeting that deadline (in today's case, me) swinging in the wind and being danced about cleaning up multiple, spuratically-discovered mistakes that wouldn't have been made if they'd properly managed their time to begin with. And in my case, it's not like these deadlines are an unexpected surprise to them... They come along at regularly spaced, scheduled intervals. If it's just a matter of not having enough time or manpower, that can be dealt with, but that's seldom the case. There's just no excuse for willing incompetence.

April 30, 2009 (120/365)

Did something with L. tonight that I haven't done in a while. I was reminded how much doing it with another L. long ago made me smile.