February 3, 2009 (34/365)

Attention Republicans. Let me explain something to you.

You're absolutely right. Government should stay the hell out of your business. I get it, I really do. The problem is, you ("you" being cast in the role of successful corporate executives) won't behave yourselves. You'll do anything to make yourselves richer and more successful, and some of those things are unethical if not downright illegal. You're more than willing to take big government bailout money and apply it to your own annual bonuses and the buying or new corporate jets while in the same breath laying off hundreds of workers. You're content with the decision to release food products even though you know they're tainted with harmful bacteria, because the alternative (that would be "dealing with the situation appropriately" or "preventing the problem in the first place" for those of you having trouble keeping up) would just be too costly. Your mothers apparently didn't ingrain in you deeply enough the difference between right and wrong. And that's why we ("we" being cast in the role of a medling US government) have to step in and slap your hand, because your mothers won't. When a bully continues bullying unchecked, at some point the poor defenseless freshman has to go to the police, and the police step in. It really is that simple. You're not willing to act appropriately, so we have to keep a constant eye on you.

In summary, if you'd just behaved yourself, we'd be happy to just let you do your own thing. All cleared up now? Good. Stop whining.

I blame mothers.