March 9, 2009 (68/365)

How in the world did I end up being in a family again? I mean it in the traditional sense: husband, wife, children. Of course, L. and I aren't married, and her children are not my own; but all of us hopping in the car to go to dinner... and my having to step in when little J. isn't getting the point his mother is trying to make gives me the creeps. I know for everyone else out there, "family" is a warm fuzzy thing that makes them happy. That's not how I feel about it. (Or maybe it's that I consider other people my "family" ...the ones I feel that comfort with... and not the people I'm related to.) I'm a terrible family member and a terrible parent. I'm not at all comfortable being in that role (as history has certainly proven). I've gone out of my way in life (an understatement) to protect others from this shortcoming in myself. Yet here I am and have been for years.